Catholic Diocese of Spokane, Washington

From the

Official News Magazine of the Diocese of Spokane

(From the Jan. 13, 2005 edition of the Inland Register)

(Editor’s note: Inland Register reporter Jami LeBrun is engaged to Kevin Cary. They plan to be married next July. As part of their marriage preparation work, they are taking classes in Natural Family Planning – NFP – at Sacred Heart Medical Center in Spokane. They offer the following observations and reflections of their experience as an engaged couple with Natural Family Planning classes.)

When we were first engaged, we knew we wanted to pursue courses in Natural Family Planning. We knew NFP was a natural method of charting the woman’s fertility cycle, and we also knew that the Church encouraged it, but aside from that, we didn’t know a whole lot about NFP.

The last several months have taught us that NFP is far more valuable than we had ever expected. The physical, spiritual, emotional and relational benefits of NFP have far exceeded our expectations. NFP has taught us to value and respect one another as entire beings and has helped increase the levels of communication and intimacy in our relationship. NFP has been the most beneficial part of our preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage.

Jami: At a very basic level, NFP is physically beneficial for the woman. Not only does charting her monthly cycle help her to understand her own body at a more intimate level, but she also avoids the risks associated with putting unnecessary and dangerous chemicals into her body. Because NFP does not see fertility as a threat, it allows the couple to embrace it and learn to work within God’s design for human love and procreation. Artificial contraception treats fertility as though it is a disease, plugging chemicals into the woman and placing barriers between the couple that make it seem as though the man must protect himself from the woman’s evil and scary fertility.

This new familiarity with my body has helped me come to appreciate the beauty of being a woman and all that comes with it. NFP teaches us that our fertility is, in fact, what makes us beautiful and unique.

Kevin: On the way to our first class, I was somewhat nervous about attending the NFP classes with Jami. I had been told by many people that it was important that I be there, that I would learn a lot, and so forth. But I was worried that the material would make me uncomfortable and squeamish.

Once the class started, though, it was not at all what I expected. The material certainly wasn’t the stuff of dinner conversations, but it didn’t make me feel squeamish either. The most important thing I garnered from the classes is an increased and renewed respect for woman and the intricacy of woman’s body. I can now look at Jami and understand much more clearly her dignity and beauty. Woman’s beauty is not just in her outward appearance, nor is it simply her spiritual beauty. Her beauty is also (and unique to woman) in her fertility. Now, when I look at Jami, I see a creature of God whom God has endowed with the unique gift of cooperating with him and his creation in the most intimate way.

I have also been able to understand how I fit into God’s creative plan for human procreation. Though life begins inside the woman, and her womb is where the child first develops, I too have a significant amount of responsibility when it comes to living our fertility as a couple. NFP requires us, if we have serious reason for avoiding pregnancy, to abstain from sexual intercourse for several days during the month. It is important for me, during this time, to be supportive of Jami. It is important for me to show affection, especially physical affection, to Jami and not allow her to feel pressure from me to have sex.

Jami: Learning NFP has been very helpful for us as we prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage. Talking to Kevin about my body and the way it works has helped to break down many of the remaining barriers between us. NFP requires us to communicate with complete honesty and openness about the very essence of marriage. Many engaged couples, while preparing for marriage, talk about the wedding and honeymoon, where they are going to live and how they’re gong to manage their money, all of which are important aspects of the wedding and marriage. Fewer couples talk about their fertility, something much more central to marriage and their identity as husband and wife than either their job or the honeymoon.

NFP has also given us both an increased respect for life and the great wisdom in God’s design for procreation. Though men are potentially fertile all the time, women are not and God has given us the necessary signs to know exactly when we are, or are not. Paying attention to the God given signs within our own bodies helps couples to track their fertility with almost perfect accuracy. In fact, NFP is more effective than any artificial methods on the market for both preventing and obtaining pregnancy.

Kevin: One other benefit that Jami and I have received from taking our NFP classes is a deepened understanding of our vocation to marriage and the spiritual ramifications it holds for us. NFP helps us to understand our place in cooperating with God in his creation, into deeper and more intimate levels of communication and union. We have seen what it means to live out the nuptial commitments we will make on our wedding day. Loving each other as Christ has modeled for us is not something that can be learned by reading all the books in the world – it is something that must be put into action. NFP would, quite simply, not be effective if the spouses did not have honest and open communication. Christ-like love is not possible without honest and open communication.

We don’t want to sugar-coat NFP either. Just as love is not easy, neither is NFP. It is significantly easier for a woman to control her fertility by popping a pill or applying a patch. NFP requires both spouses to have the appropriate amounts of self-esteem and confidence to trust the other. Jami and I have grown to trust one another far more than we ever thought we would, or even could, trust another human being.